Today, I find myself sitting with a heavy heart, feeling the sting of a rejection I hoped I’d never receive. Jodi Reamer, my top choice literary agent, passed on Marked by Fate. Seeing her name in my inbox brought a rush of excitement, but it quickly shifted to disappointment when I read her assistant’s words: “Unfortunately, Jodi is unable to offer you representation at this time.” No matter how much I tried to prepare for rejection, this one hit harder than I expected.

I know I’m supposed to pick myself up, dust off the rejection, and keep querying. But somehow, this time around, it feels harder to get back on the horse. I’ve been here before, sending out query after query, clinging to hope, and facing silence or polite “no’s” in return. I’m beginning to question whether all this effort, this cycle of hope and disappointment, is truly worth it. Part of me wonders if I’m clinging to a dream that’s just as elusive as it is compelling.

And yet, I know I have something special with The Chronicles of Fate. Every beta reader has echoed that belief, raving about Marked by Fate and begging for the next book. Their enthusiasm feels validating, reminding me that there’s something powerful here. They’ve connected with the characters, the world, and the story I’ve poured my heart into. They see the potential in The Chronicles of Fate, even when agents don’t. But that lingering voice of doubt remains—do I keep fighting for a chance at traditional publishing, or do I take matters into my own hands and self-publish?

The allure of finding the “perfect” agent is strong, no question. There’s a certain dream I have of being championed by someone who believes in Marked by Fate as much as I do, who would navigate the intricacies of publishing with me and help bring my story to the widest audience possible. But here’s the reality: securing an agent often feels like a lottery win. The timing has to be just right; the agent has to be in the right headspace, looking for exactly what I’m offering at that exact moment. The stars have to align perfectly. And I can’t help but think, “When has luck ever been on my side?”

It’s not just about having a good book; it’s about finding the right person who sees it as the right book for them. And with each rejection, it’s hard to shake the feeling that maybe my luck isn’t cut out for this. I’ve faced enough challenges in life to know that “lucky breaks” don’t just fall into my lap. So why would publishing be any different? The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the pursuit of a traditional publishing deal is a path that’s right for me.

Self-publishing is a real option, one that could give me control over The Chronicles of Fate—its timing, its presentation, its release. I could skip the gatekeepers and bring my work directly to readers, the ones who actually connect with the story. There’s freedom in that idea, in creating my own path instead of waiting for someone else to pave it for me. It’s empowering to think that I could take Marked by Fate and put it out there on my own terms, without another “no” from someone who doesn’t quite get it.

But at the same time, I know that traditional publishing still holds a certain draw. There’s something validating about the idea of an industry professional saying, “Yes, this book has what it takes.” It’s that sense of validation that I’ve been holding out for, hoping that my story will finally reach the person who sees the potential in it, the way I do. After all, this industry is filled with stories of authors who faced rejection after rejection, only to finally find the one person who believed in their work and made it a success.

So here I am, caught in the middle of two worlds—one where I keep trying, clinging to the hope of finding that agent who will help bring Marked by Fate to life, and one where I take control and dive headfirst into self-publishing. Both paths are daunting, filled with unknowns and challenges. The question is, which one is truly worth the risk?

At this point, I honestly don’t have an answer. I’m torn between the dream of traditional publishing and the promise of self-publishing’s freedom. Part of me feels a renewed determination to send out another round of queries, to keep trying, because maybe—just maybe—the next one will be different. But the other part of me is tired. Tired of waiting, tired of hoping for a “yes” that seems so far out of reach.

I don’t know what my next step is yet. But what I do know is that Marked by Fate isn’t going anywhere. Whether I find the right agent or go it alone, this story deserves to be told, to reach readers who will connect with it. So maybe this rejection isn’t the end of the journey—just a detour on the road to something better. And maybe one day, I’ll look back on this moment as just one more step in the winding, unpredictable journey of being an author.

For now, I’m allowing myself to feel the disappointment, the doubt, and the weariness. But I’m also reminding myself of the story that’s waiting to be told, the characters and world that live in my heart and deserve a place in readers’ hands. However I get there, I know The Chronicles of Fate is worth it. So, whether it’s a new batch of queries or the beginning of a self-publishing journey, one thing is certain: this story is just getting started.